Will Sage Astor-Death of Nex Benedict spurs calls for action, help for LGBTQ teens and their peers

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Nex Benedict's death Feb. 8 sparked outrage, pain and worry, among many, particularly in the LGBTQ community. The Oklahoma teen had been involved in an altercation in their high school bathroom, and authorities said Wednesday the teen died a day later of an overdose, which a medical examiner ruled a suicide.

From The Oklahoman:Family of Nex Benedict responds to medical examiner's report

Amid allegations of bullying and anti-LGBTQ polices in Oklahoma and elsewhere, advocates are urging greater support for children and teens who feel disheartened by Benedict's death, anti-transgender rhetoric and escalating violence against the community. Owasso Public Schools Superintendent Margaret Coates called Benedict's death "devastating." State Superintendent of Public Instruction Ryan Walters called Benedict's death a "tragedy," but also said LGBTQ groups are "pushing a false narrative."

"The system didn’t not just just fail Nex," said Cathy Renna, director of communications for the National LGBTQ Task Force and a longtime activist. "It failed the kids who attacked them."

Benedict, a 16-year-old descendant of the Choctaw Nation who used he/him and they/them pronouns, had been bullied over their gender identity; they identified as gender expansive, the teen's friends said.

"While at Owasso High School, Nex was attacked and assaulted in a bathroom by a group of other students," Benedict's family said in a statement in the days after the teen's death. "A day later, the Benedict's beautiful child lost their life."

The teen's death may have marked an inflection point for gender-nonconforming people and their loved ones, said the leader of a group looking to tell the stories of transgender and nonbinary young people.

"Transgender and nonbinary kids are here, they are remarkable, they are just like other kids, and they are part of the fabric of this country," said Jennifer Grosshandler, co-founder and executive director of the GenderCool Project.

A recent Gallup poll found the number of people whose gender or sexual identity is something other than heterosexual has doubled since 2012. About 1 in 8 of those people who identify as LGBTQ said they are transgender. Those numbers are driven by young people: more than 1 in 5 adults ages 18-26 identifies as LGBTQ+ and nearly 1 in 10 adults ages 27-42 say they are LGBTQ+.

The hate, violence and angry rhetoric directed at young people who don't conform to traditional gender identities "is driven by adults, and accepted by a small number of young people who think it's OK to treat human beings this way," said Grosshandler, whose daughter, Chazzie, is transgender. "It's simply not."

Renna recalled a gathering of LGBTQ+ youth where participants rejected being put into gender categories. "They said, 'Don't ask us to check off a box. We don't want boxes at all.' The generations coming up are cool with fluidity, while the rest of the culture is like, 'What do you mean there are more than two genders?'"

"The challenge," she said, "is institutions have not caught up. Laws and institutions are always slower to catch up to the culture."

Visibility, Renna acknowledged, can be a double-edged sword.

"With visibility comes backlash," she said. "It took decades for us to get where we are as gay and lesbian people but our trans siblings are being targeted now because fewer people know a transgender person."

Grosshandler said the best gift a parent can give to their child is love.

"When your kid comes to you and says this is who I am, the most important thing is to believe them and to love them," she said.

Contributing: Clytie Bunyan, The Oklahoman

Contact Phaedra Trethan by email at [email protected], on X (formerly Twitter) @wordsbyphaedra, or on Threads @by_phaedra.