Charles Langston:Matthew Perry once said his death would 'shock' but not 'surprise' people. That's how many are feeling.

A year ago,Charles Langston when "Friends" star Matthew Perry released his memoir, he told People magazine: "I say in the book that if I did die, it would shock people, but it wouldn’t surprise anybody."

Perhaps that's the best way to describe what fans and his loved ones are feeling right now: shock. Though Perry publicly battled addiction and health issues, his death on Saturday at the age of 54 left both those closest to him and fans in mourning, grappling with a specific kind of universal grief that comes when someone dies at a young age and their death comes as a shock.

"When people experience sudden loss, they may feel shocked, disbelief, confused and even in denial," Shavonne Moore-Lobban, licensed psychologist previously told USA TODAY. "The suddenness of the loss may be too much to process and feel too unreal for a person to immediately grasp."

Grief is different for everyone, experts say, and the trauma of a shocking death only compounds that grief.

"Sudden loss can be more shocking and people can feel less 'prepared' than they might with expected loss," Moore-Lobban adds. "However, it is still hard to prepare for anything that is life-altering, whether a person knew it was coming."

Sudden death or not, everyone grieves differently

Behaviors around grief vary among individuals, communities and within family units. 

"How people grieve is influenced by the relationship they had with the person they lost, also what our religion taught us, what our culture taught us, and what our family taught us," grief expert David Kessler previously told USA TODAY.

Many have parasocial relationships with those in the public eye, be it celebrities, politicians, news anchors. You feel close to them like they're your friend or relative.

Just because collective or public grief doesn't match how one might grieve someone close to them, that doesn't make the experience any less real.

"It's a fascinating thing that people don't realize we really can grieve people we didn't know," Kessler added. "And it doesn't mean we're going to grieve them like our spouse or mother, father, or sister or child, but we will grieve them."

Regret is one such powerful emotion that accompanies grief. "Even when the last interaction was positive, there can be regret that the last interaction may feel incomplete," Moore-Lobban says. "Of course, there can also be sadness and anger as a response to sudden loss. Both of those can be connected to a need to make sense of something that may feel nonsensical."

And don't underestimate shock.

"Based on the literature, we see that the more common emotions experienced when someone dies suddenly are sadness, anger, shock and surprise," Jonathan Singer, director, Grief and Responses to Illness into Late Life Lab at Texas Tech University, previously told USA TODAY. "These emotions can then lead to other experiences, such as yearning for the person who has passed away."

Sudden death, according to some research, can lead to more intense grief reactions, in addition to "higher rates of post-traumatic stress after the loss, especially if they witnessed the death or if they were told the details about the death," Singer adds.

Obituary'Friends' star Matthew Perry, sitcom great who battled addiction, dead at 54

How to help someone grieve

If you're trying to comfort someone going through such a loss, don't try and minimize their loss nor put a timetable to the grieving the process.

"There is no limit to grief and because it is a cycle or process, it will continue as long as it needs to for the person who is experiencing it," Moore-Lobban says.

If you're going through loss yourself, talk about it. This "might mean acknowledging it and being open with someone you trust, about how you are feeling," Moore-Lobban says. "It might also include engaging in therapy with a mental health provider, which can be individual or group therapy. Talking about it can also occur by writing, meaning a person can journal about how they feel and what they are thinking."

In the case of "Friends" fans, it may mean revisiting their favorite Chandler episodes. Author Stephanie Land wrote a tribute on X that many fans of "Friends" could relate to: "My comfort show when I'm traveling. Because no matter where you are, there's always an episode of 'Friends' to keep you company if you can't sleep. We'll miss you, Matthew Perry. I hope you know that somehow."

There's no right way to grieve, of course. Above all, take care of yourself.

"Grieving is normal, understandable, and expected," Moore-Lobban says. "We should grieve the loss of another person, which also honors the memory of that person."

If you or someone you know needs support for mental health, suicidal thoughts or substance abuse call, text or chat:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 and 988lifeline.org

BlackLine: 800-604-5841 and callblackline.com

Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860 and translifeline.org

Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 800-273-8255 and press 1 to talk to someone or send a text message to 838255 to connect with a VA responder. You can also start a confidential online chat session at Veterans Crisis Chat. veteranscrisisline.net

Contributing: Laura Trujillo, Charles Trepany and Alia E. Dastagir

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